Warwick Castle - 3rd time lucky!

Last week we went to Warwick Castle. This was our third visit but actually only the first time we'd gone in the castle itself. In previous times there was so much going on outside that we just never got there.

We really enjoyed ourselves and because it was just the two of us, we spent ages roaming around deciding which bedrooms would be mine, and his, and the servants!

He was alarmed at the servants rule on the wall - walking 3 paces behind someone and not speaking unless spoken to first did not appeal for Barnaby who spends much of his life talking nineteen-to-the-dozen to anyone who will listen and generally running around in circles constantly. 

We fed peacocks, we got wet in the rain (of course!), we met a (very nice) knight who showed us all the weaponry in his collection, embellishing all his stories to make them as gruesome as possible, much to Barnabys delight. The thought of being an arrow collector and having to push the arrow right through an injured person in order to collect it and take it back to be used in battle again held some sort of repulsive appeal for my boy!!! 

We were pleased to see the waxwork of Henry VIII and all his wives, Barnaby was telling everyone else in the room exactly how and why they died and we sang a song about it that we'd learnt at the Horrible Histories stage show a few years ago. 

The whole day really fired his imagination and he hasn't stopped talking about how he'd build a castle, what he'd put in it, how he'd treat his servants and who would like where! He's spent a good portion of most days since the visit sword fighting enemies and/or the sofa! 

All in all a lovely day and I'm pleased we've finally managed to get inside the castle, even if all the waxwork dummies filled me with absolute panic and fear - I really hate them but had forgotten how much! They are scary!! 

Definitely worth going if you've never been - just be aware that in the summer there is at least a 15 minute walk from the car park to get to the castle - 7 minutes in the winter when you can park in the top car park (there are drop off points close by for those less abled). Take a picnic because inside is like anywhere - pretty pricey. A coke and a coffee (both of which we literally never buy) cost us a fiver - I thought that was expensive - is it? However their restaurant was serving full roast dinner £8,95 for an adult and £5.95 for child . Can't comment on the taste but it looked and smelled amazing! Beware the shop that you HAVE to pass through before leaving. Obviously a kid magnet and among the odd bit of tat and sweets there are all the swords and shields. They have some cheap stuff - but its just that, cheap - of course the kids want a 'proper' wooden sword and the middle size is £16 - the large is £23. 

If you get chance to see the jousting show do go - it's the best thing we have seen there I think.

Oh and don't forget you need a token to get out the car park - it's £6 to park there all day.

Please, mind your P's & Q's, thank you!

Manners....

I need to get it off my chest.

Are they even important? 
Do people actively teach their children 'manners' any more?
Do adults mind their own manners?
Are there more important things to worry about nowadays?

Today, Barnaby and I made a trip to Warwick Castle - I'll blog on that later though - and there were a couple of incidents that left me quite speechless really.

Firstly, lets start with the school groups. There were loads of them. Not that *that* was a particular problem, no. Admittedly I questioned to myself why you'd book reception age kids (4/5) into a castle trip. They may be fascinated about princesses and Knights,  of course, but there is little to excite them about a dark room containing Queen Anne's death bed...  But I digress.

The bit that left me particularly irked was that these children, looking bewildered, clinging onto their 'partners' hand,  holding their lunch bag in the other, were ushered in and out of each room at breakneck speed, with 'their adult' screeching at them to hurry along. So they did. Barging past and through every other person attempting to visit the room. No 'excuse me' or 'sorry' when 30 pairs of feet trampled yours... But, you forgive them because you know they are little and overwhelmed and a bit scared.

What I can't forgive though is 'their adult' who watches you stand and wait to one side while 65 people stream past you and does not even acknowledge you with a smile, let alone a 'thank you' for making their life a little easier. In every school group there were at least 6 adults. Of the maybe 40 or so adults I came across on our visit ONE said thank you when we let them pass. ONE.  And she was about 60... Maybe it's a generational thing?

I was just pretty disgusted. If young impressionable kids don't see the adults setting a good example they have no blueprint to follow? A simple 'thank you' goes a long way. A 'say thank you to the lady for letting us go first' is not only appropriate,  it's the right thing to do. It's teaching the children something.

(and if you're thinking that I don't realise just how tricky it is to be an adult on a school trip at Warwick Castle let me assure you that actually it was Barnabys last trip before he left school. I accompanied them, had my own group of kids, and at no point would have allowed them to not say sorry when they bashed into an unsuspecting member of the public)

We then went to a home ed specific event where a [very nice, fit, good looking too-young-for-an-old-bird-like-me] Knight spent 45 minutes showing all kinds of weaponry and talking through its uses. After which the children got to paint their own shield. It should have been a fun activity, however Barnaby ended up next to a girl who, well, is clearly used to conversations like this:

Girl: Mum, I want more blue paint.
[me: "I want doesn't get" grrrrr ]
Mum: ok darling.... And wanders off in search of more blue paint
Girl,  to Barnaby: I said, I want more blue paint.
Barnaby looks totally perplexed. 
Girl: I said, I want more blue paint.
And promptly take Barnabys loaded paintbrush our of his hand and  carries on painting with it.
Barnaby, no idea what to do,  just stands there looking at her. 
Mum arrives back in time to see this and just rolls her eyes at me with a cheeky little grin and says "girls!"

Whaaaaat?! 

It's no wonder that girl just takes what she wants,  she's never been told otherwise. She gets exactly what she wants without ever being told that a please or a thank you go a long way. She's never been told it's not acceptable to take some thing of somebody elses just because she wants it.  She's never been made to say sorry and mean it. Clearly manners are not a high priority  for that mother because,  well, 'girls' eh?

I was pretty cross.

After the session, about half the people disappeared outside.  I took Barnaby to the lovely young Knight to say thank you and that we had enjoyed his talk very much. The poor sod was totally taken aback (must have been my utter beauty.  Ahem.) that someone had thanked him for his time and knowledge. 
Has life really got that hard for people that we can't appreciate them? Is it SO difficult to say thank you these days?
I'm not saying I'm the only parent at that session that said thank you to him, the remaining half may have done so after me, but his reaction was enough to make me think the half before me hadn't bothered. Yes, we had paid for the session,  but I personally don't think that means that manners are left at the door.

Barnaby (frequently forgets and has me remind him) to ask to leave the table.
His knife and fork are always together not just dumped in the middle of his plate.
He says please.
He's pretty good with thank you.
He will always thank somebody for having him or for feeding him when we leave, prompted by me or not.
He witnesses me EVERY SINGLE DAY using manners with random strangers - thank you when they have held the door open, signalling thanks when someone has let me pull into their lane,  saying good morning to the local newsagent as we pass.

To me, manners are the first stepping stone to kindness. If you practice thinking of others it becomes more natural. 

To me, this is basic and fundamental in the raising of children.
If we let it slip, if we go soft on manners, people stop caring for each other and all respect is lost.

Having just had a bath, Barnaby bought me a glass of water and as he departed be said " if you want anything else Mum just give me a shout ".

I responded "thank you, love", because not only is it the polite thing to say, I genuinely mean it too.

What do you think? Am I being oversensitive?  Are manners a thing of the past? Have you noticed they are becoming scarcely used or is it just me?
Please leave me a comment,  I'd be interested to know.

Thanks, as always,  for reading

xxx

The wanderer returns

Howdy!

It's been ages since I've updated this blog for a few reasons - firstly a 3 month virus wiped me off my feet. Combining that with looking after Barnaby, running my business and running art sessions at a local studio I was a tad rushed off my feet over Christmas and it was all I could do to be upright some days.

There is LOADS I could report in our home ed world but it'd make very long and probably arduous reading so I will refer back to bits in forthcoming blogs to cover it all.

Briefly we/he has:

Been attending sports club weekly  - now for a double session because he loves it so much
Started a new topic on the World Wars
Interviewed the optician about eyes and eye health during his first ever examination
Spent lots of time with Daddy and his family over Christmas
Been to church for the first time
Started working through a new series of work books
Spent a considerable time outside/up a tree/smothered in mud
Started building a world in Minecraft
Been to Devon for 5 days
Typed stories on an old fashioned typewriter
Got crafty - learning how to make a fabric wreath and how to do decopatch
Been to two pantomimes
Redesigned his bedroom - we are decorating it 'army style'
Made a marble run at Technology club
Got himself a job as an elf - working for Father Christmas himself
Helped out at The Paint Pot art studio
Been on his very first theatre trip to see Mary Poppins
Watched the new Star Wars film
Moved from Beavers to Cubs
Played lots of darts
Pulled down fences and generally helping Daddy on site of his house extension
Had his first go at ten pin bowling
Continued at Badgers learning first aid
Studied Guy Fawkes and the history of Fireworks night
Learnt some tudor history  about Kings and Queens with Nanny
Started reading (!!!)
Played lots of board games and has learnt how to play chess

So quite a bit been happening, as you can see.
I have been including lots of maths and english on a day to day basis - for example redeisgning his room has taken a lot of maths requirements and measurements.

So there you go, a very brief run through of the last few months! 

Consequences

I'm always trying to maximise every opportunity for Barnaby to write. He doesn't love writing much so usually it's either a means to an end or because I have been sly and found a way to get him to do it without realising! 

Today, though,  what started out as a surreptitious event to get him writing actually turned into the funniest afternoon we've probably had all year, and that's saying something.

I decided to try Consequences.  Do you remember it? You may have called it something else entirely, but I have vivid memories of spending many many hours as a child laughing hysterically with friends playing Consequences. 

For those of you that have never played it it's simply this: each person starts with paper and pen and writes the following list in order, folding after each one and passing to the next person (this works well in a large group as much as one to one)

Boys name
Girls name
Where they met
What he said to her
What she said to him
And the consequences were (or what happened next)

We used people we know or book/TV characters. 

Because you have no idea what the last person wrote it means that, when unfolded and read at the end of the game, the results can be truly hilarious. 

Today I've given myself stitch and lost my eye make up laughing so hard. And Barnaby nearly wee'd himself in hysterics. 

Apart from the laughter it's enabled me to to see what writing and spelling we need to work on for another day, and was infinitely more amusing than hangman we'd been playing beforehand :)

Give it a go with your kids and have some fun (although don't be surprised if you own an 8 year old boy and most responses relate to bodily functions.....  Who *actually* meets at a secret farters club?!  On second thoughts don't answer that!! 

Here are a few of my favourites (which you won't find at all funny because you won't know the people involved but I'm documenting for Barnaby.)

Mummy
met Daddy
At the fish shop
She said "my pants are purple "
He said "I will shoot you"
And they had a dance off in the bathroom

Dr Who
met Beverley
Playing golf.
He said "I am naked"
She said "Did you know your eyes are wonky "
They went bonkers

Alexa
Met Barnaby
In a bedroom
She said " would you like a bite of my banana?"
He said "I like chairs "
She was sick on his shoe

Gemma
Met Mr Bean
At the bus stop
She said "I will eat you"
He said "you are a bit crazy"
They both died laughing.

The importance of GCSEs

Every year I find myself saying to kids 'don't worry if they don't go your way. It's not the end of the world' - and now I know, it's really really not!

I watched this video and it really touched me, have a look:

I Will Not Let An Exam Result Decide My Fate: https://youtu.be/soRE2XoLlIM

I feel for teenagers these days. Are GCSEs getting easier? Really? It's been reported as such every year since 1992 when I took mine (no need to do the maths, I'm ancient). I think that children are being trained to pass tests better, that's all.

I clearly remember the terror, age 13, taking my GCSE options, it being impressed upon me that THIS was the biggest decision of my life. That I needed to get them right. My whole life depended on them. If I ever wanted to make something of my life I needed to choose the ones most applicable to college and uni and a career. And I was expected to know, age 13,  sidetracked by whichever boy I fancied that week, what I was going to be doing successfully at age 24.

How? How can anyone that age know for sure what they want to do when they are 'grown up'? 

How can the little amount of independent life experience bestowed upon a teenager be enough to have an appreciation of the impact this choice is supposed to have?

My hormones were raging. I didn't know whether I was going to laugh hysterically or cry my eyes out on any given moment. I was hugely concerned at being in public with a face full of spots. I had the most acrimonious parental divorce to negotiate. I was suffering intense and despairing depression which nobody ever noticed.... But forget all that Tracey Ann, decide what exams you want to sit in two years and know that if you get THIS wrong, if you choose the wrong subjects, your life is effectively over. 

Forever. 

You will be nothing. 

You will have nothing. 

Decide. Now.

Quite ludicrous really.

Life didn't actually get any better. I did much worse than anticipated in my exams and certainly much much worse than my capabilities. But I just don't 'do' tests. Blimey, it took me 6 attempts to pass my driving test for crying out loud. I could drive perfectly well, as my final examiner (who'd since started calling me 'Trace' such was the familiarity) said I should have passed first time round. Nerves just made me a wreck.

And I have to say, my GCSE results have not made an ounce of difference to my life. Except that I was told on application to my  A levels at college that the one and only grade 'A' I got in my favourite subject didn't actually count. In fact it meant nothing, apart from that I needed an extra science GCSE to be able to do A levels.

Nobody thought to tell me that when I was 13. And nobody thought (despite my loud protestations) that sitting Spanish and Chemistry GCSE would not actually help me in a Sociology A level.
Pointless. Totally pointless. 

But that was the system. That's what happened. That's what was insisted upon. That's what I did.
I wasted a year of my life in order than I could waste another 2 years of my life doing further studying at A level.

And in the end, none of it has mattered. I got my first job based on a brief test in an employment agency and the rest is history. Learning on the job, using common sense, making the most of secondments and extra training, applying for promotions, working my way up.

Absolutely and precisely NOTHING has been based on my GCSE results, or my A level results, which I also failed badly.

How do I know? Because for 20+ years it has been my experience and willingness to learn that got me the job. Every time. 

I worked my way up and became a Marketing Manager working alongside with people who were apparently qualified up to the eyeballs.
And yes, I was the one mopping up their tears in the boardroom because they didn't have the first clue how to actually deal with people in a real life work situation because *that* wasn't taught on their uni course.

And yes, I hated it. Because that wasn't what I wanted to do. Not really. I was just good at it and was on the treadmill of life.

Nowadays.... well, I work in a summerhouse at the bottom of the garden sewing soft furnishings. For myself. And I LOVE IT. 

Do you know the irony? I sat a GCSE in textiles when I was 15.
I failed. 

My textiles teacher never let me complete a single item. She told me I was infuriating and I needn't bother with a sewing machine ever again. 

Age 36 I was so scarred by my time in her company I was shaking as I threaded a machine for the first time in 20 years. Within an hour I was head over heels in love with sewing and I went into business 6 months later.

So here I am.

I found my way.

And I'd have found it much sooner if  I hadn't wasted so much time at school being taught stuff which didn't excite me. I managed to pass my English exam and have still never read more than 41 pages of Romeo and Juliet on which my GCSE was based. And the only reason I will ever need to know that Jethro Tull invented the seed drill is to win a quiz night at the pub....

Hey ho, I'm here now. I got there in the end. 

We all get there, in the end.

I'd be really interested to see how you feel about your GCSE or O level results. Do you think they have any bearing on what is happening in your life today? Why not leave me a comment, I'd love to read them! 

Thanks as ever for reading my blog :)

Tracey xx

Learning update 7.7.15

Barnaby attended a sculpture session where he spent a couple of hours bashing,  carving, sawing and sanding some thermalite block into a garden sculpture.  He chose to look at a chess set for inspiration and we are now the proud owner of a horse statue for the front garden. It's on guard by the front door (although there was some panic about this in case someone tried to steal it!) 

Unfortunately our car broke down so he missed forest school this week, along with French and Badgers which was a real shame, but we made the most of a free day by going with Mum to visit my sister and family in Frome instead. My niece had an inset day after half term so it was nice to make the most of the opportunity. 
They had great time outside skateboarding (until my niece sustained a forehead injury and put a stop to it!)

Luckily, a lovely friend offered to take Barnaby for the Tuesday park play date then onto sports club while I tried to sort the car so he didn't miss out entirely. 

We have taken the opportunity to use Guy Fawkes and the Gunpowder Plot as learning opportunities.
We particularly enjoyed a programme presented by Richard Hammond looking at the damage that would have been caused if Guy Fawkes had managed to light the gunpowder!  Here's the link : The Gunpowder Plot Exploded. We have also used this topic for spellings and been making use of the whiteboard for practising.

A quick trip to the Doctors for me to have some blood tests provided a quick review of everything we had learnt about blood so far. The nurse was great, explaining what was happening and I got to use the word coagulation which always makes me happy!

Thursday afternoon we had the great pleasure of spending 2 hours with Steve Backshall on his Wild World tour. *Obviously* we went to help Barnaby in his education,  but there is no denying the front row seats were for Mummy :) :)
We had a great time learning the difference between venom and poison, looking at all the wonderful creatures on earth and looking at what we can do to conserve those that are under threat.
Brilliant session all round really.

Friday morning was volunteering at the Library and then he went off to his Dads for the weekend.

The expense of home education

This blog post is something that I need to address as it's probably the second most popular question I get asked after the 'socialisation' one. 

(You can read my response to that one here: But what about socialisation?)

So, how much does is cost to educate a child at home? 

The answer is as much or as little as you want. People live to their means so what's expensive to some might be a drop in the ocean to another. 

To educate a child at school it costs the government £4-5000 per child per year. It's difficult to get out of the government their exact budget for this but this is the general accepted amount.

Over an average school life that's approximately £60,000. (People forget that education is NOT free, we pay tax in order to provide it!)

To home educate a child the government pay precisely £0.
There are no perks, funds, bursaries, books or grants. There is no pupil premium.  It's just zero.

I guess as a parent, when you school a child,  on top of paying your taxes you then personally have to provide all the uniform, school bags, PE kit,  costumes, trips, after school clubs, donations and dinner money. This varies depending on the age of a child and (in my case!) how many weeks a pair of school shoes would last! 

For home ed the expenses can be minimal but to give you an idea here's what I've spent out on in the first 6 months: *please note this is for my budget bracket which may not relate to yours at all!

• Workbooks - mostly unnecessary as we've not looked at the majority.  Plus we wised up to photocopying sheets early on to use as practice. 
• Ink for the printer
• Wet weather gear: invested in decent wellies, waterproof trousers and jacket. Good walking shoes.  The world is our classroom, being prepared is the key! 
• Picnic items/tupperware/blanket - we spend so much time outside it was worth investing in decent stuff. It took 2 days with leaky drinks bottles and soggy sandwiches to realise this!
• Subscription to online maths course Conquer Maths (we paid £31 for the year Home Ed discount) 
• Home Ed groups £3-£5 per week
• badgers (St Johns Ambulance) £6 per month
• French lessons £28 per half Term
• Sport club £25 per half term
• Farm club £4 per session
• Forest school £5 per fortnight
• Adhoc visits: for example at Warwick Castle we joined forces with other families to secure a home ed discount so cheaper than usual but still an expense.  One day courses such as woodwork or technology club.
• Diesel: I'm lucky to have an economical car which means we can get out and about every day.
• Extra food - my child does not stop eating. I swear he has hollow legs.  Hence picnics are cheaper on days out! 

This list is not complete. Other people would have very different lists - as an example I've not had to pay out extra for things like craft supplies or books as we have so far had everything we need here. Others may want/need to.  Neither have my gas and electricity bills increased as I work from home usually anyway so was always here. 

I know as Barnaby gets older, if he chooses to study gcses that it will mean investment in text books.
I don't subscribe to a telly package - we have freeview and there is enough educational stuff on there for us at the moment. 
Some people make use of Edward Jenner school which is something I'd love to look into but is out of my price range at about £45 per day.

We are researching the Home Ed discount for the National Trust at the moment as the grandparents are buying that for our Christmas present. Every little helps, and despite his Christmas list Barnaby really doesn't need more toys!! :)

There are loads of free resources online, free educational day trips... The library is free. Parks and woodland are free. Our local home ed group have a 'bring and swap' session for clothes, books and toys. Reuse and recycle ♻ I say!

Overall, and I've not done the maths, (what?! And she's *teaching* her Son?! Tut!)  I'd say I've spent about what I'd send on a yearly basis if he was at school. Maybe more as an investment in things that will last.

If I had more money I'd definitely spend more on it, but probably on experiences such as trips to London without worrying about the expense.... Or I'd fulfil our dream, get a motorhome and head out on the road to see more of the world. 

In summary: how much does home education cost?  Well.... How long is a piece of string?! :)

Nb: my budget bracket is 'single-mum-running-her-own-growing-business'. Sometimes more commonly know as 'skint'
If you're in a different budget bracket your list might have a few differences.  :)

Brief update of learning 16.10.15

Well this week has flown by. 
Firstly things are really sinking in with French. I wasn't sure how well he was getting on with it but week 4 and I was amazed to sit and watch him answer the tutors questions, in French.  As always with my boy he knows more than he lets on and though 'shy' isn't a word you'd usually use to describe him, he is when he's worried about getting things wrong in front of the others in the group. He was like it at school. But his confidence is growing each week. Badgers was all about learning the recovery position which he had been practising in the week. He was pleased he got it all right.  He's taking his first aid training very seriously which I love to see,  but they seem to teach him in a fun way so he remembers it. We attended home ed group again this week, that's the third week we have made it. It's a new group so is not that busy, he is the oldest there but he loves having 3 hours charging around and playing with his new friends. He was a bit quieter this week playing with the lego but as long as he's chatting to his mates while he does it,  he's happy.  Sports club is a highlight of the week. He's  always pink faced and sweaty from hockey or dodgeball.  He went to a school friends for tea, and then to Beavers which was learning all about Dogs for The Disabled.  They have got a really packed schedule at Beavers these days, something different each week which is great. Wednesday we visited Smyths toy shop. I decided to do maths and English in there. He went through all the aisles looking at everything he fancied to make a list for Christmas. He wrote down everything he wanted.  This worked out really well as he hates writing so I knew that if he took the time to write the item down he really really wants it!! We also looked at offer prices, working out what was better value or what the saving of a sale price was. Other stuff: he learnt how to check tyre pressure and put air into the car tyres,  he's read loads (for him) , listened to Roald Dahl stories nightly,  started a list of spellings, completed a rugby trail at Roots coffee shop searching for clues and letters to make a sentence (for which he was rewarded 2 celebration chocolates! It kept him entertained for the best part of an hour!), looked at different types of rock formations,  looked at pie charts, tried really hard with telling the time,  has learnt all the words to 'Eleanor Rigby', beat his personal best at skipping and finally we have started looking at the War which is a blog post within itself. Overall his interest in learning is really increasing.  I guess we've been at this home ed stuff 6 months now.  We have both found our feet and gained confidence in what we are doing. It is great to have the freedom to run with his interests and apply what we've learnt in other areas to something he finds fascinating.

Crumpets and Coagulants

This morning started abruptly at 6am. 

I say abruptly,  I'm used to getting up at that time but Barnaby always takes a few days to settle back down after being at his Dads for the weekend.  So he didn't really want to be awake but couldn't get back to sleep so I agreed to him watching Percy Jackson while having something to eat.

The peace didn't last long. I heard a panicked squawk and a nasally call for help.  Turns out he'd had a somewhat explosive nosebleed after falling off the bed. Only the second in his life and the first one I've had to deal with. 

It took quite a while to ease up, and just provided extra evidence for my "you know you're a parent when...." list by asking "have you been ferociously picking your nose?! " and "have you shoved anything up there?!" 

Anyway, we ended up having a long discussion about blood, it's purpose, white blood cells, red blood cells and and how it manages to stop itself. I took great joy in over using the word coagulant, mainly because it's one of my favourites. I spent some time working in a Blood Component Technology business many moons ago and decided then that coagulant is a firm favourite, alongside my other favourite word: anticoagulant. 

I'm nothing if not predictable. :)

Barnaby,  pleased to be having such an insight so early on a Monday morning, was rather interested once he'd calmed down that the blood on the inside of his body that was quite persistent in being outside of his body would eventually stop. 

You're craving crumpets now, right?

Needless to say, when it did, the first question was " Can I have three crumpets for breakfast this morning?" It seems, as I have suspected for many years, crumpets make *everything* better. 

So, after a shower and chores we started some impromptu grammar/punctuation/spelling after he found a load of love letters girls had given him when he was 5.

He went through and corrected the capital letters, the commas, the lack of question marks and some of the spelling. It also gave me opportunity to talk about apostrophes in cannot/can't, do not/don't, are not/aren't. 

It should be said that at the girls writing to him at this stage were the ones in his class - at the same point he could barely spell his own name, thus the letters were pretty spectacular. Besides which, I thought that "will you mary me?" was really quite cute. 

But it just goes to show that there are lessons everywhere: through a nosebleed and a tidy up we've learnt all sorts of things before it's even 8am! 

Happy days! 

What a load of......

Over breakfast we begun a discussion about poo.

Specifically, food, digestive systems -and the problems with mine- and how poo is made.

Barnaby has always been fascinated with the book "I know where my food goes" which he's had for years. When he was three his favourite word was oesophagus.  

But now I'm able to explain in a bit more depth about digestion and just why sometimes I can look like I'm 9 months pregnant or am in agony after eating.  

We got out his science book about the human body and had a good look at the intestines, got the tape measure out to see where 5 metres of small intestine would stretch to (that will be to the back of the conservatory!) and ended up discussing how you can judge health by your poo, the importance of water in your system, hiccups,  burps and farts.

For a boy who thinks toilet humour is hilarious he managed most of it without fits of giggles too!

Not quite how I imagined our breakfast discussion would be pre-8am but interesting nonetheless...